Building Resilience

I've been watching children learn and grow for over 30 years - my own, my friends', my many classes of students, and those who have visited The Wonder Room these past 13 years.  Recently, I've been thinking about how children develop resilience and what I can do to help them when I am facilitating various learning opportunities. 

Helping children build resilience is more important than ever before.  Resilience is the ability to bounce back and persevere when one feels uncomfortable or challenged - emotionally or physically. It requires an ability to be flexible with change.  It is a valuable skill to learn early in life and one that we all rely on throughout our lives to get through the ups and downs and the transitions that we all experience.

How do we (as the adults in a child's life) do that with young children?  We believe in their ability to "do".  We know that they are capable, sometimes even when the child does not believe in himself.  Even when the child experiences feelings of anxiety or fear or sadness or nervousness, it is important for us to think about our response to those behaviors.  

When we respond in a fearful, protective manner - removing them from the source of any discomfort or making statements like "Are you ok?"  It fosters a lack of confidence in the child's own abilities and makes them question their own feelings.

When we respond with empathy and support - labeling and acknowledging their feelings, talking about choices and strategies to manage a situation, and allowing them the time and space to practice those responses - making statements like "You are ok", "I can see that you are uncomfortable or worried, I feel those feelings too." "This is what I do when I feel that way"  "Why don't we try and see how it turns out" These types of responses nurture confidence, build capabilities, and help one to develop the ability to self-regulate - so that extreme emotions don't control one's behaviors.

Sometimes this is hard to do.  We have our own fears and dispositions about various situations.  I have found that it is important not to let those guide how we teach our children.  We don't want to instill those feelings in them on purpose or by chance.

These are just my thoughts from my own experiences.  I hope they are helpful in some way either now or in the future.